RANT

I will be at school 4 the rest of the day if anyone needs me… I’ve learned my lesson, I should do my work when I’m supposed to.

Im quite pissed off with my brother. Theres a reason as to why we are not allowed 2 be together most of the time, he’s an ass. I want

Have you ever felt that what you are doing is wrong even when you like doing what you do. No, I am not talking about weird sexual fetishes. Instead, I am talking about my career choice, graphic design.

Graphic Design just doesn’t feel the same way it used to for me. I LOVE typography, business cards, layout editing, among other designy stuff. However, for some reason I am getting the feeling that I am meant to do more, something else.

Today I got my grade for my journal response for an article on street art as well as comments on my paper. Besides the classic grammar comments that I get, on the last part of my essay I got a comment from my teacher that says :”Wow! Are you sure you still want to be a graphic designer?”

Next to it, I wrote: “I don’t know.” It is true, I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to be an artist, that is all I know. I get an adrenaline rush when I am working. I’ve been told that you can tell how “passionate” I am about my work by the look of my face. I’ve also been told that I should major in sculpture, and in art history. I’ve been told to slowly consider what I want and the consequences that follow any decision.

I’ve been told many things but I have not talked myself in or out of anything, which is why I don’t  know how to feel about anything. Nonetheless, I have really been contemplating why I like art hist so much.

I like the power it gives you. I like critiquing someones work and analyzing it. I like reading about art - it is like gossip time for me. I like writing about how I believe art should be and why it should be more “theatrical.” I have fallen in love with art history. Sure, I hated my first art hist courses but that is because I did not get a very good introduction to the matter of hist in art. Now that I have a great teacher telling me all this cool gossip in art, I GET IT! I know what art is. Art is BULLSHIT! And I love/hate that is all bullshit. It makes me want to change it and create new ideas for art. Now that I like art history I enjoy even more working on my ideas.

And its true, what the fuck would I do with art history? Truth is that I don’t know, yet. I will probably always be in search of a career anyways. I’ve always been an overachiever. I’ve always wanted to be more than one thing. I will never find what I want to do because I want to do everything. But I think that I’ve found the catalyst that makes me love art even more than I already do, and that is art history.

I will stay in GD for now, but I am (really) considering graduate school. maybe I will get a masters on art history, but I don’t know yet. As much as I hate to say this, I will say it: “all I know is that I know nothing.”

That is all for now. I will go on Monday to my art hist teacher’s office and find out why she thinks I’ll be good in art history. Maybe then I will know what to do.

After some thinking I am reworking the idea for my sculpture final. There is just no way I can go on with the plan that I had for this sculpture. It is stressing me out and when that happens I know that it is time to rework a project, otherwise I will become completely frustrated with it. I am not going to rework the idea 100% because that will end up frustrating me more.

There are several things that are annoying me of my sculpture plan as of right now.

1. It is stressing me out. So I might end up not finishing it or not liking it.
2. I am not going to be able to make it 3 feet or more the way I thought I could have it all set up.
3. It is not coming together like I thought it would.
4. I have too much metal that can be wasted if I continue with my “original” plan.
5. Most of the class is going big and I am not.

So, since I fear not liking my sculpture more than not finishing it I have decided to rework my idea. I will still be using the circles I did because there is no point to get rid of them when I have already spent 2 weeks, 3 fingers, and one wrist in making this circles.

I am just going to build a tall new form with the rods. I will then have the circles hanging inside this structure with fine wire.

I know it might be sort of late to start with something more less new but for the reasons given above I think it will be better for me to do so.

I will post a drawing and a small model of this idea later on today.

It’s freaggin cold. I am bored and I am very very lazy. I will be watching chick flicks if anyone needs me.

I hate it when lil college freshmen (who are technically still high schoolers) talk at fucken loud at the library when I am trying to study and just to talk about everything myspace. -_-

Makes me angry.

SCHOOL
- Start working on Art Hist journals.
- Read for Theater about… Theater History.
- Finish reading for POLS test.
- Start typing POLS City Council essay.
- Finish drawings from Life Drawing.
- Come up with a magnificent way to sell my sculpture idea to my teacher.

THINGS THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE
GOTTEN MYSELF INTO (but i did)
- Finish that play’s flyer/poster thing by Tuesday.

THINGS I SHOULD REALLY DO
- Fix my resume 4 the Minero Magazine and print the application.
- Look for my layout work in the yearbook 4 the Minero Magazine.

SOCIAL STUFF AND OTHER CRAP CRAP
- Ask 4 forgiveness to a certain someone (rolls eyes).
- Demand Mundo to pay 4 Pucca’s drawing paper.

All that has to be done this week. Hopefully I will - at least - finish most of it so I can have a very good rest next weekend. More than likely dont expect to see me in a very good mood by the end of the week, especially if I havent finish most of what’s on my list.

But other than that it should be an ok week, or I will shoot someone :D
Nah I wont -_- anyways… sleep time.

NIGHT!

Nope… early sleeping aint working…

I am very bored. I am thinking of going to bed early… maybe after I finish some reading.

So I burned my sculpture and now its ready to be installed tomorrow morning. I am happy with it. But I am very tired because of it. All of my body hurts after carrying the big torch and working it though the whole sculpture. Who said that being an artist wasnt painful!?

I do not feel like going 2 drawing class tomorrow. I think I might ditch it, but we will see.

I need a new idea 4 my sculpture final.

I need to start doing my art hist journals and my pols essay - but i really dont wanna.

I registered today :D

I wanted to take Metals but I’ll have to wait. It just doesnt fit on my schedule :/

And now…

I AM OUT! GOOD NIGHT :)

I should be typing my Theater essay as of now but I am not worried about it at all, which means that I will be doing it tomorrow morning at school.

I studied for my Art History test and I am not very worried about it either, but I will stay up for a bit more to memorize names, titles, dates, movements, etc.

I rock Art History so I should be ok.

Tomorrow I burn my metals sculpture. I have motor oil that has lost most of it’s viscosity, so the sculpture will burn like crazy. Expect updates on how it went tomorrow, maybe I will finally get to see a fire truck.

Weekend was ok but eh. I am bored, I have a headache, and I am thirsty so I am out! (of the net at least)

Oh and this is something I learned about today:

Joseph Beuys - How to Explain Pictures to a Dead Hare.

Performance at the Galerie Schmela, Dusseldorf